Monologue Jokes for Wednesday,
November 16, 2011
Tuesday was actor Ed Asner’s 82nd birthday.
… Sadly, his only birthday wish was for a gift certificate to get his back hair braided.
Following his botched answer to a question about Libya, Herman Cain has pledged a clear and concise foreign policy.
… For Secretary of State, he’s going to recruit some guy named Chad.
… As head of the National Restaurant Assn., his foreign experience up to now has been weekly visits to International House of Pancakes.
… He is going to demand Hanukkah services on Christmas Island.
Henry Kissinger, who is 88 years old, turned down Herman Cain’s invitation to be his Secretary of State.
… German-born Henry said, “Nein, nein, nein”.
… Then, they had a good laugh together and Herman asked if he knew any loose German women.
The US Postal Service lost $5.1 billion, last year.
… That can mean only one thing; it’s year-end bonus time for Post Office executives!
… Oh yeah, and about a billion pieces of mail with your name on it.
… Reporters asked Herman Cain what he thought of emails and he said, “Oh, I love the ladies.”
We have a spoiler alert for all you “Twilight Saga” fans. The marriage of Bella Swan to Edward only lasts 72 days.
We have yet another spoiler alert for you “Twilight Saga” fans. At the end of the film, after Bella Swan is married to Edward, she starts fooling around with Jesse James.
The prosecutor’s soon-to-be-published memoir of the Casey Anthony trial is going to be turned into a TV movie.
… It’s the story of a selfish, psychotic nut job who never gets punished for her crimes. So, what better role for Lindsay Lohan?
That huge rush of hot air was either a late summer wind or the NBA Players Assn. disbanding.
